Loyola University Maryland

Loyola Chimes

TJ Cook

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Chimes member T.J. Cook

TJ Cook was designed by German engineers who were attempting to maximize reproductive proficiency by maximizing attractiveness, vocal beauty and superior intellect.  However, the budgetary just couldn’t support the creation of such a being, so a compromise, known as TJ Cook II was created, which lacked a fair percentage of these attributes, but still could be labeled “above average”.  This version was fine, and there was really no reason to continue the program, but just for fun, the team biochemically engineered TJ Cook III, which they decided to cross breed with an eagle (because, why not).  TJ Cook III still had many of the attributes of his predecessors, with slight modifications.  He has the sexiest smoker’s lung voice of any man who has never smoked cigarettes.  His eagle scream can be heard only by those of whose ears can still recognize tones higher than 14khz.  By day, he can be seen barreling across campus atop his valiant steed, the razor scooter.  At 6mph, every four minute scooter-ride from Hammerman to boulder is a treacherous gamble of life and death, as he hops, like a championing bunny, over speed bumps and curbs, while shuttles close in mercilessly, behind.  He’s also from Connecticut.. so that's cool.